


The Hounds of Helios

by AngelicMissPretty



Series: Puppy Love [1]
Category: Borderlands
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Jack has doberman dogs because why not, M/M, One Shot, but they're actually huge babies, he thinks they're ruthless killing machines, sfw, their names are Cerberus and Orthrus because GO GREEK MYTHOLOGY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelicMissPretty/pseuds/AngelicMissPretty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Handsome Jack always figured he was more of a cat person than a dog person.</p><p>(In which Handsome Jack is baffled when his strong, imposing, merciless doberman guard dogs turn into fluffy balls of cuteness when Rhys walks through the door.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hounds of Helios

**Author's Note:**

> RANDOM ONE SHOT BECAUSE WHY THE HELL NOT ₍ᐢ•ﻌ•ᐢ₎*･ﾟ｡ 
> 
> my friend blessed me with the awesome headcanon that Handsome Jack owns pointy-eared doberman guard dogs and, well, a day later, I write this mess. 
> 
> I rlly hope you enjoy it~! ❤

If he was ever asked the question, Handsome Jack would always say that he was more of a cat person than a dog person. Honestly, Jack could relate to cats much more than he could relate to dogs; felines were cunning, handsome, devilish creatures who have a taste for the finer things in life – whereas dogs were just bumbling, drooling, tail-wagging idiots who did menial things like enjoying having their stomachs scratched – something that Jack definitely _did not_ enjoy having done to him.

However, Jack realised that he’d clearly not been looking at the full picture.

One fateful day, the CEO of Hyperion was asked offhandedly by The Sheriff of Lynchwood whether he was a cat person or a dog person. Without giving the question much thought, Jack had replied that he was a cat person.

Nisha responded with a _“well, shit”_ , and promptly explained that she’d found two pointy-eared Doberman puppies eating skag scraps on the side of the road near her train station, and she needed someone to look after the poor things. In a rare streak of semi-stupidity and humanity, Jack told his long-time best friend that he’d love to take care of them anyway.

Two years later, Cerberus and Orthrus now played parts in the imposing image of Handsome Jack, sat intimidatingly on either side of him as he perched on his infamous yellow chair. The dogs followed Jack wherever he went, and Jack grew a fondness towards his canine companions; he saw a lot of him in them, and their unwarranted barks and growls never fail to scare the living shit out of business representatives whenever they make their way up to Jack’s office.

On most days, the Dobermans were more of a help than a hindrance, and Jack appreciated the outrageously malevolent-looking boost his yellow-collared dogs gave him. Just the other day a Maliwan employee pissed himself when Orthrus let out a growl as he proposed a particularly terrible collaboration deal, and Jack nearly pissed himself too – in laughter, of course. It wasn’t long until Jack’s canines had earned themselves the title of the Hounds of Helios, and Jack found that pretty freaking hysterical, too.

With all of the hilariously wicked incidents that stemmed from the dogs, there were a lot of not-so-hilarious occurrences, too; everyday occurrences, like having to buy mountains of dog food and chew-toys to keep them happy, or having to tell them to _get off_ Jack’s king-sized, silken-lined bed because they get their _goddamned fur everywhere_. If Jack had a penny for every time he’d been woken up at ungodly hours in the morning by the prodding of paws all over him and he’d had to pick up a full-sized Doberman and place it back on the couch where it belonged, he’d be the richest man alive.

(…Well, Jack _is_ the richest man alive, but that’s beside the point.)

Another annoying aspect of owning two very large and energetic balls of _pure evil_ is that Jack had to incorporate going on walks into his daily schedule of galaxy-dictating and employee-murdering, which, surprisingly enough, was not an easy task at all. Jack managed to make it work – he took the two vicious beasts for walkies every morning on his way to pick up a coffee from the shop in town, and every evening around the park near the Hyperion building. The CEO would’ve hired someone else to walk the pair if it wasn’t for the fact that they only seemed to behave for him, and that Rhys had been noticing how toned his legs had gotten recently.

Oh, _Rhys_. That tall, adorably incompetent middle manager from the sales department who was lucky enough to catch Jack’s eye during a meeting. Jack was amused as hell to see that beanpole of a boy blush like crazy as he flashed him a wink from separate ends of the table, and pushing Rhys up against a wall once the meeting had finished was almost _too_ easy. Jack should’ve known that the lanky brunette was a part of the endless sea of fans he’d amassed, but there was something about Rhys – the way his knees shook when he was embarrassed, the way he _tried_ to pull of the suave Helios smirk and failed, the way he’d close his cybernetic eye involuntarily when he was tired – that piqued Jack’s interest massively. After wooing the middle manager for a week or so (read: showing up in Rhys’ office cubicle at random points during the day and ‘accidentally’ deciding to eat lunch wherever Rhys had chosen to eat), Rhys had mustered up the confidence to ask Jack if he’d like to go out for a drink.

Jack accepted more than willingly, and the two had ended up hooking up at Rhys’ apartment. Their little outings became more of a regular occurrence until Rhys had idly referred to Jack as his boyfriend one day, and they’d realised they’d slipped into something more romantic. Jack suddenly had to fit Rhys-dating into his schedule of dog-walking, galaxy-dictating and employee-murdering.

Luckily for Jack, Rhys had suggested that tonight’s date should be held at Jack’s house, considering he hadn’t visited before. This meant two things: Jack had an excuse to stress cook, and there’d be a bed within ten meters of him and Rhys instead of an entire taxi drive away like there normally was.

Preparing for a date like this was easy. Jack had visited a florist after work today to pick Rhys up some roses – the bouquet was sitting there, ready to be received, on the coffee table in his living room. He’d also picked up some of the best beef money could buy, and a wonderful red wine that Jack knew would have Rhys tipsy and giggling in no time. As Jack smoothed out his hair in front of the mirror in his room, he flashed himself a smile and a wink. He’d just taken the beef out of the oven, and Rhys would be here any minute.

Jack was confident. He was _ready_. Rhys was a sucker for romance, and by the end of the night, he’d be putty in Jack’s hands. Everything was going to be _perfect_.

That’s when he heard the crash.

“Cerberus, Orthrus! Boys, what was that?” Jack called out to his canines before whistling, a signal for the two of them to come to him.

He knew something was wrong when neither dog came running into his room. The smile on his face contorted into a scowl as Jack allowed himself a deep exhale of annoyance before he made his way into his living room, and one of the most horrific sights he’d ever seen was laid out on the coffee table before him.

Orthrus was stood on the table with the tattered remnants of Rhys’ bouquet in his mouth. Many of the flowers littered the ground in a torn-up mess, petals dislocated from stems and the delicately wrapped paper the bouquet had been made in was shredded into pieces, strewn about in wild directions. Jack was speechless as Orthrus noticed his presence and snapped his head around quickly, shaking the flowers in his mouth around and slobbering all over them.

“Orthrus, what the ever-loving fuck do you think you’re doing!?” The CEO shouted suddenly, an explosion of utter disdain and disbelief hitting him like a tonne of bricks. Jack’s hands flew into his combed hair as he pulled on it in frustration, and he marched towards his dog, grabbing onto the tattered roses in his mouth and pulling forcefully. “No, no! Bad- you, you are bad! You give those to- Orthrus! Give them to me now!”

Orthrus growled in reply – a lively, mischievous sound accompanied by a playful show of teeth that alluded to _“hey, Jack, wanna play tug of war with these super expensive roses you bought for your boyfriend?”_

That’s when he heard the _other_ crash.

“Cerberus!” Jack shouted, anger lacing the warning tone in his voice as he dropped the roses in Orthrus’ mouth in favour of investigating whatever Cerberus was doing. Orthrus whined as he wagged his tail and followed Jack, bopping Jack’s hand with his nose and looking up at him expectantly.

Jack shot the dog a look of disgust, and Orthrus trotted away, not interested in Jack if he wasn’t going to play tug of war.

Jack, on the other hand, made his way to the source of the second bouts of crashing, and ended up in the kitchen. Tentatively, the CEO opened the door.

Cerberus stood there on his hind legs, lent up on the countertop and chewing his way through the entire hunk of beef Jack had _slaved over_ for Rhys. The expensive bottle of wine Jack had purchased was cracked, lying on the floor, steadily gushing out onto the tile beneath it, and Jack swore he felt a vein pop in his forehead.

“You stupid mutt!” Jack screeched, one foot over the threshold of his kitchen. Cerberus turned around, panting happily as he looked at his owner, and Jack gritted his teeth together. “Do you know how _long_ I’ve been working on that? Do you know who I did that _for_ -”

Of course, that was Rhys’ cue to arrive, knocking on Jack’s door a couple of times before poking his head into the house.

“Hey! I’m here!” The brunette called in that perky voice of his, and Jack opened his mouth to speak, but was cut short by the velocity at which Cerberus _bolted_ out of the kitchen, knocking against Jack’s legs and bumping into the wall like an oaf before speeding off again towards the front door.

Jack let out a sound of confusion as another set of paws sped past the kitchen towards Rhys, and Jack took a step backwards, watching as Rhys opened the door a little more – just enough for Cerberus and Orthrus to yank open the rest of the way and tackle Rhys to the ground.

“Oh my god!” Rhys yelped, falling flat on his backside as the two Doberman dogs pounced onto him and started licking his face, panting happily as their tails wagged like crazy.

“Rhys! Fuck, babe!” Jack let out as he watched Rhys’ lithe form topple under the weight of the two hounds, completely baffled by the flowers and the food and… now, _this_.

“Well, hello there!” Rhys smiled, laughing, his attention solely fixated on the dogs in front of him. He awed and scratched behind their ears as they nuzzled against his face, completely uncaring about the fact that he was sat on his ass in Handsome Jack’s doorway. “Aren’t you just the handsomest boys I’ve ever seen?”

Orthrus prodded Rhys in the cheek with the remnants of his roses, and Rhys gushed, babbling on about how gorgeous the two pooches were.

Jack watched in disbelief as Orthrus willingly let the flowers go.

“Oh! Are these for me?” Rhys asked as if Orthrus could understand. “You are _so_ kind! Oh, I think I’m in love!”

“Ahem.” Jack cleared his throat, and Rhys finally looked up at him, smiling widely as he fawned over Jack’s pets.

“Jack! Hi.”

“Hi.” Jack grumbled, reaching a hand downwards to help Rhys up.

Rhys didn’t take his hand.

“You didn’t say your dogs were this adorable, Jack!” Rhys enthused, pulling stupid faces at the dogs as they fawned over him too. Cerberus ran around in a circle like an idiot before bolting back inside, and Jack shook his head in incredulity.

“They’re not.” Jack groaned as he heard _more_ crashes come from the inside of his house. “They… they’re well trained, obedient, vicious killing machines! They don’t _do_ this! They’re… for Christ’s sake, they’re supposed to be elite guard dogs.”

Rhys didn’t listen to a word.

“You are just the cutest little thing!”

“They’re not _cute_.” Jack argued, not happy about being ignored. “Bunnies are cute. Kittens are cute. _You’re_ cute, princess.”

“Jack!” Rhys finally answered, and the older man straightened his shoulders, smug that he’d been the one to put the pink on Rhys’ cheeks instead of his stupid dogs. “Don’t be silly-”

Cerberus bolted back through the door, his and Orthrus’ leaches in his mouth.

Rhys’ attention was lost once more.

“Ooh! You wanna go walkies?” The brunette asked over-enthusiastically, and Jack rolled his eyes, forcing a surfacing sound of frustration back down his throat.

“Baby.”

“Hm?” Rhys looked up to see Jack offering him a hand again. The slighter man took it, allowing Jack to pull him into the house, and Rhys thanked him for the lift by tilting his head and pecking Jack lightly on the cheek, lingering there a little to listen to the way Jack chuckled as he did so.

Cerberus and Orthrus got up from their positions outside to make their way towards Rhys again, and Rhys reached down to fuss them again. Jack cupped Rhys’ chin so they made eye contact, and Rhys raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for Jack to say something important.

“There’s much more interesting things you can do tonight than pet my dogs. I’ve got other things that need petting, y’know.”

It took Rhys a moment to process the joke.

“Oh, god!” The brunette cringed, raising his hands up in surrender as if to ask Jack not to make any more horrendous jokes. “That’s terrible!”

“Yeah, whatever!”

Jack, on the hand, grabbed Rhys by the wrists and pulled him closer again, smiling widely at the way Rhys tried to conceal the bubbles of laughter threatening to seep through the cracks of his guise. “Oh, you’re laughing. You’re totally laughing, kiddo. Oh, oh- right there! I can see you laughing!”

“Whatever to you too.” Rhys breathed out, trying to calm down, leaning forwards a little more to touch Jack’s nose with his. Once he’d finished, he looked down at the hounds at their feet again, smiling almost confusedly. “You wanna know something, Jack?”

Jack looked down as well, patting his dogs fondly on the head. “Sure thing, babe.”

Rhys let out a laugh.

“I always thought you were more of a cat person.”

Jack laughed too.

“Ditto, kid.”

**Author's Note:**

> ps, this trash was written at like 11pm. I had a performing arts exam today. PRAY FOR MY GRADES. 
> 
> ❤ thank you so much for reading! you can find me @ http://supermagically.tumblr.com/ ❤
> 
> (❍ᴥ❍ʋ) I'm trash so I may write more of this but rn I'm gonna go ahead and say it's a one shot. BUH BYE~


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